The Breaks

Technology is great. It makes life better, warmer, easier and more fun. Laptops mean we can easily warm our crotches, toasters mean we can make warm bread, and Twitter...Twitter allows us to tell everyone when we're not warm at all.

But it's also a pain in the ass when it's not working. 

If your laptop breaks you've got to phone someone to fix it, and even then they might not have the foggiest. It might be because of this, or that, or because you did something wrong or didn't do something right, or a whole multitude of other variables and trivialities.

Why can't things just work properly? Better, why the hell aren't we at the stage where they can fix themselves? Okay, so the toaster would need a robotic arm and a screwdriver (picture that then build me one), but couldn't computers at the very least call for help? Or send an email or something to someone who could solve the problem? Or again, robotic arm and screwdriver maybe?

Make things more robust, solid, impenetrable and immune...to everything. Dropped on the floor? No problem. Switched off the wrong way? No problem. Caught up in a hurricane and flung into the ocean? No problem- have it swim back by itself. Just do something, anything, make it work, and above all else, make sure I don't get a) upset or b) annoyed.

And get a better call centre too, because that would just be lovely.

Waiting for Week-By-Week Televisions Shows

Though they may urge one to continue living by having something to look forward to, they can also urge one to live only for the following episode.

I'd like to think of something other than Lost. I really would. But hey, come April, I'll be able to think of Fringe as well. Then come next year, and I'll also have Doctor Who to live for.

Why, TV? Whyfore you do this to me? I don't want to be a slave to my TV. It hurts so good! And your Alec Baldwin Hulu commercial only reinforces my fear.

Ah, today is sweet, sweet Wednesday. No! No, there must be something else in my brain! I must work on what I must work on, not while away the hours until 9.. glorious 9... No! No! Work!

Just give me the DVDs.

"I have no idea, but I think..."

If you have no idea, then you think nothing. No idea is when there is NO IDEA. Do no say you have no idea about something, but then go on to list some of your speculations on the subject. "I have no idea" should be the last words to come from your mouth.

Abandon this idea idea. Say, "I don't know, but I think..." Because you don't know. But you do think.

Lack of Follow-Through in Films

In restaurants, mainly, or situations involving food.

You will see the characters walk into a restaurant, order food or a drink, then talk. The waiter will go to the table, place down the food and the drinks, and the customers continue talking to each other. When their conversation is over, they will leave the table, the restaurant, and their food.

This happens in Twin Peaks a lot with Maddy, Donna, and James. They will go into the diner, Maddy will order a cherry coke, James will get it for her, they will talk (about very important things in hardly hushed voices), and then leave. Why meet there? Why order the drink? Perhaps this is why it is so satisfying when Agent Cooper drinks his damn fine coffee and eats his damn fine donuts.

At least they pay for it. But do these people have an unlimited supply of cash that they can spend on uneaten food? Who are these people?

Eat your god damned food. Or give it to me. I want a donut.

Donut! That's another thing! I hate writing "donut"! I want to write "doughnut"! But this has become unacceptable. Screw it! It's a doughnut. I want a doughnut!

Resolutions

Oh no, not 1440x900, I love the display on my laptop, rather, the people that feel the need to blurt out a goal or direcion they want to head in for the next twelve months, one they really don't end up achieving at all.

Don't get me wrong, change can be good, and if people want to improve themselves by getting rid of certain idiosyncracies or bad characteristics, that's also good; it means i'll probably hate them a teensy tiny bit less. They probably feel better about themselves in the end too, like they've achieved something, actually done worthwhile. That's fantastic, good on them, give them a medal.

What does bother me are the resolutions made for the hell of it, by peer pressure or, ugh, declared in a state of being off-their-face pissed. It's a case of making goals because everyone else is, their friends and family, their Uncle Carlito (maybe?), and just because, well, society's kind of dictated and told us in capital letters than the opening days of January is when you announce that you want to change, even if you don't.

They don't of course, because people never change,m at least for the better. Within the next day they're already regretting their decision and shedding a tear or ten about how much the gym registration cost them. But they kid themselves are everyone else on that they'll succeed, somehow and long story short they don't, and by time the next January 1st rolls round it's a case of "I mean it this time" or "I am so fucking feeble, i'm a total loser" (maybe?). People don't commit, or they're scared of it, or they just can't be arsed in general but feel the need to announce a resolution all the same.

And yes, most unfortunately, i've made a New Year's Resolution myself, and yes, I probably won't ever achieve it:

Stop using awful puns in the opening of posts.

Parents Who Condescend to Their Children

I know parents who say not an encouraging word to their children. They always expect the worst. When the children's names are mentioned, the parents jump first to the worst conclusion. The parents ask for something, the children try to fulfill the request, the parent is disappointed and pulls a, "If you want something done, you have to do it yourself" attitude. An adult makes the same mistake, it is a natural mistake that any could have made. The parents look to their peers with a smile and their children with a frown and eye-roll.

You know, dear pessimistic parents, you receive what you expect. If you think of your children more pleasantly and with respect, maybe you will see something more than a child. Other people should not be more attentive to your children than you are.

(Note: Written in September, marked as a draft, forgotten, posted in December. Mystery of ghost blog entries: Solved. Request: Richard, finish your numbers entry!)

Inconsistent Facebook Statuses

Annoyance:
[Person's Name] is going to the mall and I am really not looking forward to it.
[Person's Name] is OMG CHRISTMAS!
[Person's Name] I want to go to the movies.

Do you see the problem?

Correction:
[Person's Name] is going to the mall and he is really not looking forward to it.
[Person's Name] is excited for Christmas OMGZ. !!
[Person's Name] wants to go to the movies.

You have to follow through. If you start out one way, that is the way you must finish. If you write a book in the third person, you don't change to the first person midway through a chapter! Unless you say, "[Character]'s thoughts went a little something like this: [Character's thoughts]", or something of the sort. Apply this rule to your facebook statuses, please! Sure, your statuses aren't as important as material in a book, but they do at least mean something - or else you wouldn't be writing them.