GEICO

Ah, yes, GEICO. How we know the company so well. Why? Because we use it? Hardly. No no no, the commercials are the things that drove the company into our subconscious.

The GEICO Gecko. I remember when this little fellow first appeared in 1999. How we thought the little thing was cute. All wanted their very own Gecko. It was a loveable little creature.

Was.

Though, no. Still I like the thing (I am weak), but in a limited way. I feel that this Gecko is a real creature that GEICO is exploiting. Even still, that damned Gecko is whoring himself! And! David Attenborough! Fortunately, this is not the actual David Attenborough, so we need not worry about his standards. At least, GEICO doesn't.

One can easily make the connection of Mr. Attenborough to Mr. GEICO Gecko, but one stops there. And why does one stop? Because Mr. Attenborough is respectful. And though Attenborough connects to the Gecko, respect does not. Thus, Attenborough could not ever possibly be fully connected.

But he has been.

GEICO corrupts. Not only has the Gecko been ruined, but David Attenborough now has had his good name sullied by association with the "Cavemen". And this, my friends, is the very heart of this entry. The GEICO Cavemen. Never. Never.

Never.

Never should such a thing have been allowed. Ok ok ok, maybe with a company like McDonalds, which supplies actual shit. GEICO, however, is car insurance. This is a branch of the law. These people are insuring your car. Your car. You are giving responsibility to the creators of the Cavemen commercials. How does this make you feel? The commercials barely make sense and haven't even a fragment of humor. I... I .. I can't even go into it. No, not this. I cannot bring myself to go into detail about every thing that is wrong with these few seconds of television time. It's a black hole, for god's sake. No, I cannot.

Stepping away from this, I ask you to be in my thoughts for a moment. Terrifying, I know, but bear with me. There. Now, imagine, as I always do, the people who created these commercials. Go ahead, think of it. And now consider the outcome. Connect. Do you think that these people exclaimed, "My god! I've got it! The most brilliant idea!" when these Cavemen entered their (even more terrifying) thoughts? Well, gee, of course not. This very rarely, if ever at all, happens with commercials. Yet no other reaction could warrant this incessant flow of Caveman nonsense. Nothing. Unforgivable. Never. Never.

Never.

Never should such a thing be allowed.

You would think, you really would, that after these Cavemen tried for a show (did anyone watch it?) and failed miserably, the creators would have gotten wise to the fact, the solid fact, that there is absolutely nothing worthwhile in their dreadful creations.

Yet. Turn on your TV, and what do you see? That's right.

You may now ask, why has my hatred for GEICO only just surfaced? Because, I have only just realized what the Cavemen commercials were for. I truly had no idea that they were promoting car insurance. How could I miss this? Because my ears and my eyes refuse to fully take in such pain. Pain!

For such a long time, I had excused GEICO, for their lack of inspiration for commercials. They were, after all, doing better things in the world. ...Well. Anyway.--
But now all is clear. So clear. GEICO is evil. I know nothing about them apart from their commercials, yes, this is quite true. With such ignorance, what right have I to judge them? To make this blanket statement, of EVIL? I have a right. Every right! They allow these commercials to represent them. They allow the Cavemen. The Cavemen. They allow them. Unforgivable. Never. Never.

NEVER.

Never should such a thing ever be allowed. In the words of the wise William Shatner, I. Can't. Get. Behind. That.

Good night.