Audience Members Who Try to Impress the Performer

You've seen them. You know them. Dear god, please tell me you're not one of them.

You know when you go to a comedy show.. The comedian is up there, doing a spiffing job, being funny, doing what he's paid for. Then some ass in the audience thinks it would be fun to yell out jokes of his own. This obnoxious audience member is secretly (or not so secretly) hoping that the comedian will be wildly impressed with his humor, and will offer to take him on the road to be a part of the comedy act. Meanwhile, the rest of the audience wants to kill Mr. Obnoxious Man, and the comedian .. well, the comedian probably wants to do so as well, but more violently.

I don't really have much more to say on the subject at the moment. But this: Do you like it when a drunk person tries to give you pointers when you're playing pool in a bar? When you're practicing the piano? When you're trying to finish a project for work or school? No, you don't. Your abilities are being inhibited by a selfish and intolerable know-it-all. And, guess what? If you are the obnoxious audience member I am speaking of, this is the situation you are creating for your hero up there on stage.

Be respectful. Please.
Thank you.

"And modest, too!"

To which I reply with an equally unoriginal and overused piece of sarcasm, "Ohh, aren't you clever?"

Look, ladies and gents who aren't reading this blog, you fail in your attempt at humor. You say, "People laugh, though!" That's because they are equally humorless, or are just trying to be nice. I used to be one of those nice people. Now I will just stare, most uncomfortably, at you.

You do know what I'm talking about, don't you? You know, when a person is listing his achievements or totally awesomez characteristics, and at the end of the list, another person says, in an annoyingly chipper and self-satisfied voice, "And modest, too!" Sometimes both things are said by the same person. STFU, mofo.

This bit of hate goes under my larger category of of hate, titled, "People who tell unoriginal and unfunny jokes without any irony + People who laugh at these jokes as though it's the first time they have heard them (i.e. Death by Katunga, or however the hell it's spelled)". Then there is the, "People who continue to tell Monty Python jokes as though no one has ever heard the line, 'It's only a flesh wound'" category.